An Atheist Reads the Bible: Exodus 5-6 (Pharaoh, Bricks, and of course Genealogy)

"Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh"
          ~ God, Exodus 6:1

BibleGateway: (NIV) (ESV)
SAB (KJV): Chapter5, Chapter6
Blue Letter Bible: Chapter5, Chapter6

tl;dr - Moses is very reluctant to talk with Pharaoh.  Pharaoh is very reluctant to give Moses what he wants.  We receive the worst-placed genealogy yet.  Aaron's going to talk for Moses, and God's goign to be a total dick to make a point.


Summary
Moses and Aaron go to talk with Pharaoh and say "Hey, how about you let all the Israelites go worship their God, YHWH, in the desert for three days?"  Pharaoh says "Who do you think this "YHWH" of yours is?! Not gonna happen."  Moses responds "Oooookay...  How about you let all the Israelites go worship their God in the desert for three days ooooorrr, YHWH will come beat the crap out of Egypt?"  Pharaoh apparently didn't like Moses/Aaron's tone, because at this point he commanded that all the Hebrews would no longer receive straw to make their bricks (straw was an essential part in making the bricks take a good shape).  They had to go get their own straw and keep up on their brick-making quota-- that would keep their minds off this silly "YHWH" business.  Of course, this was impossible, so the leaders of the Hebrews were flogged for falling behind schedule.  The Hebrew leaders scolded Moses for getting them more work than they already had, which makes Moses feel bad...

Moses goes out to the desert, finds YHWH, and says "Hey, what gives?  I did what you said, but it didn't work!"  YHWH chuckles and goes "Look, Moses, I'm gonna seriously mess Egypt up.  I'm JEHOVA.  Not even Abraham and Isaac and Jacob knew my name.  I promised all this stuff to the patriarchs, and I'm going to deliver.  But first...  the Hebrews will know that I AM GOD."  Moses goes and tells all the Hebrews the good news that God's going to save them, but the Hebrews were too busy getting flogged for not working enough, and they didn't listen to him.  So, with God's encouragement, Moses goes and talks to Pharaoh again.  We're not told how that conversation goes.  Instead, we're just told that Moses complains to God about his (possible) speech impediment.  God charges Moses and Aaron with the responsibility of taking all the Hebrews out of Egypt.

Then there's an accounting of the 12 houses of Israel.  Except it winds up only being three of the 12 houses.  The author appears to get distracted with Levi's house, since that's where Moses and Aaron come in.  Also, both Aaron and Moses (and presumably Miriam, who's stopped showing up for some reason) are the result of a man marrying his father's sister. 

After the genealogy is over, we're told again that Moses talks with God about his speech impediment, and God tells him to go talk with Pharaoh.


Commentary
Ugh, this storytelling! - Chapter 5 wasn't terrible, but Chapter 6 was just horrific!  There's plenty of repetition, the genealogy isn't as complete as it says it's going to be, and it's pretty clear that the comments at the end of Chapter 6 are actually part of the story at the beginning of Chapter 7.  (Note: the chapters were added quite a bit after these books were first committed to paper, so this just shows how humanity has effected the Bible, not always for the better.)  We've got to wonder why God made Shakespeare so much better at writing then Moses (and the other authors of the Bible).

God is doing this so that everyone knows he's God. - God is more than a little bit threatening in here (as if we didn't need to be afraid of him after reading Genesis).  Specifically, God has talked about his future actions being to show the Hebrews (and Egyptians) that he is God.  So, God's willing to afflict people with boils, send hail to kill cattle, and murder children just to prove the point that he's the baddest guy on the block.  But he wouldn't interfere with free will to just make them believe without all the death.  Violating free will isn't in his nature (even though he's done it before and will be doing it again soon).


Next Reading - Exodus 7-10 (The First Nine Plagues)


Sources
[1] Wikipedia: The Exodus
[2] Wikipedia: Moses
[3] Blogging the Bible: Exodus 5-6 (I'm actually a little disappointed in this guy-- this is the second time in the book of Exodus that he's missed or forgotten a line that really changes the story.  First he said that Moses never was a prince of Egypt [See Exodus 2:10 for why Moses *was*].  Now he's saying that Moses isn't following God's command, because he only asks for three days to go into the wilderness-- but this is exactly what God told Moses to say! [Exodus 3:18])
[4] The Brick Testament: First Meeting with Pharaoh
[5] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: Why stand ye here all the day idle? (Another one that can't seem to recall Exodus 3:18...)
[6] Answering the Atheist 1(34): Can God be seen?
[7] Answering the Atheist 4(5): Did Abraham know God's name? (What?  There's a contradiction?  Here, let me just play with definitions and then pretend that the grammar should be different aaaaaannnd there we go, now I can say THERE IS NO CONTRADICTION.)
[8] SAB: Was Moses a good speaker?
[9] Answering the Atheist 3(50): Is incest okay?
[10] Dwindling in Unbelief: The Lord smote all the firstborn in Egypt
[11] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: That all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel ("It's okay, I just assume that all killed children go to heaven, so God is justified in doing this if it brings their parents to Him.  Also, God's the only one who can judge, so HE has to decide if his actions are good.  We can't."  How can you explain this logic in a way that doesn't show a rotten morality?  He's seriously justifying the murder of children for something they never had any control over.)
[12] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: Take the Levites among the children of Israel
[13] Blue Letter Bible: shem
[14] Blue Letter Bible: yada'
[15] The Wise Fool: Exodus 5 and 6
[16] The Wise Fool: God's plan for redemption

An Atheist Reads the Bible: Exodus 1-4 (Slavery and Moses)

"Disobedience, whether by acts of omission or commission, result only in punishment and ultimately death."
          ~ Alden Bass, Apologetics Press

Biblegateway: (NIV) (ESV)
SAB (KJV): Chapter1, Chapter2, Chapter3, Chapter4
Blue Letter Bible: Chapter1, Chapter2, Chapter3, Chapter4

tl;dr - Hebrews are enslaved, Moses is born, god recruits Moses as his tool to free the Hebrews.  God lets Moses know that he's going to make Pharaoh not let the Hebrews go, and tries to kill Moses.  Also, it's important to read the Bible, for a few reasons.

Summary
The 70(ish) men that come to Egypt get busy and start making babies.  A new Pharaoh-- who had never heard of the man that changed everything about Egypt's Economy and was second-in-command of the country-- took reign.  He starts looking around and says "There sure are a lot of Hebrews around...  If we get attacked, these guys could totally take over our country.  Let's enslave them.  That should fix the problem." So, the Hebrews get enslaved.  But the more the Egyptians oppress the Hebrews, the more their numbers grow!  So the Egyptians figure out a clever way to deal with them-- they'll just order two midwives to kill all male children that they help deliver.  That will totally stop the growth of the Hebrew population.  The midwives disobey (and God rewards them).  So a decree is issued that requires all male babies of the Hebrews to be thrown into the river.

One particular child has a special story-- Moses.  Moses' mother kept him alive for three months.  After that time, though, she was probably about to be found out, so she made a little boat out of leaves and slime and sent the baby boy floating down the river.  The little boy's sister, Miriam, followed him until he was found by Pharaoh's daughter.  Miriam then showed herself, and asked, "Should I fetch one of the Hebrew maids to take care of him?"  The Princess of Egypt says "yes," so Miriam runs off and grabs Moses' actual mother.  Moses' mother nursed him, but he eventually was given back to Pharaoh's daughter and raised as an Egyptian Prince.

One day, Moses saw a Hebrew being beaten.  Not one to let injustice stand, Moses murdered the offender. Shortly after, he saw a couple Hebrews fighting.  He went over to stop them, and they got all scared-- since a murderer was getting involved in their personal business.  Moses realizes that his secret is out, and runs for it just as Pharaoh orders him to be killed.  He runs to the land of Midian, where he sees some girls being driven away from a well by shepherds.  Seeing that the girls needed to water their own flocks, he comes to their aid (how he overpowers the shepherds isn't said).  The girls take him back home to meet dad, and everyone hits it off really well.  Eventually, Moses marries one of the man's daughters!

One day, Moses was wandering around the mountains, and he sees a magic bush that's on fire but isn't being consumed.  He takes a close look, and it starts talking to him.  Turns out the bush is God!  Moses takes his shoes off (because he's on Holy Ground, and God told him to).  God says "Okay, I'm not going to let this slavery and oppression thing happen anymore-- you're going to lead my people out of Egypt into the land I promised to Abraham (et al)."  First, Moses is worried that he's in no position to talk to the mighty Pharaoh.  God says "Don't worry, I'll be with you."  Then he's concerned that the people won't believe him.  God says "Tell them that I AM sent you.  Tell them what you're going to do.  They'll know what it means."  Moses is still convinced that they won't believe him, so God teaches Moses some magic tricks (Turning his staff into a snake, giving him leprosy and taking it away, and telling him how to turn a small amount of water into blood).  THEN Moses starts complaining that he's not very eloquent, and God gets a little miffed.  God says "Look, I CREATED the world.  I know what your limitations are.  I'm choosing you, and you're going to do it!  Now look, Aaron's your brother.  Get him to do the talking for you.  Now move out!"  Throughout this whole exchange, God lets Moses know, repeatedly, that Pharaoh's not going to buy it, because God is going to "harden Pharaoh's heart."  He says "Look, warn him that if he doesn't listen (and he won't listen, because I'm going to harden his heart), his firstborn is going to die."

Moses talks with his father in law to get the okay, and he leaves with his wife to go to Egypt.  Part way there, God decides "I'm going to ruin Moses whole day!" and comes down to f***ing kill Moses.  Moses' wife, Zipporah, does some quick thinking and says "Oh, right!  God probably wants me to mutilate my child's genitals!"  So she circumcises her son, and throws the foreskin at [one of the three males'] feet.  She then makes the mysterious proclamation "Surely a bloody husband art thou to me."  This appeases God.

They make it all the way to Egypt, gather the leaders of the tribes, and tell them what happened.  Everyone agrees that they're on board with Moses!

Commentary
Repeated Stories - The political circumstances of Moses' and Jesus birth are very similar (and, of course, Moses is the most important human figure in Judaism and Jesus is the most important human figure in Christianity).  It's also been suggested that Sargon of Akkad has a story with similarities to both [21].  Repeating stories with some elements changed is common in myth and fairy tale, as I've said before (and, of course, these repetitions occur throughout the Bible).

The Math on "430 Years" or "400 Years" - A lot of effort is put in to understanding how long the Hebrews spent in Egypt (or in captivity in general).  Sometimes, people think that the Hebrews were enslaved for 400 or 430 years, and that this explains how the group went from 70 males to some 600,000 males by the time they all left Egypt (more on that in a later post). If we're to believe that this story is true (And I don't, nor do most historians [3,4,5]), the Hebrews were in Egypt for only 215 years, and only enslaved for some 150 years (guessing high) [8,9,10,11].  Just a point to make.

I have been a stranger in a strange land -  I need to make a point here-- reading the Bible is a good thing.  Especially the King James Version.  Not only does it make the idea that it's 100% literal truth absolutely ridiculous, but it also has some very beautiful language.  Many phrases have become important in literature because of the huge impact (and I don't mean that as a good thing) it has had on the world.  This phrase, "Stranger in a Strange Land" has found use in many places, most notably (for me) in a book by Robert Heinlein.

God really cares about Foreskins. - The story of Moses and Zipporah (Ex4:24-26) is, after the creation story, one of the most ridiculous and confusing stories in the Bible.  Its explanations vary, and tend toward either "parts of it are missing" to "this was obviously some cultural relic" to "the point is clear from what's written there-- if you disobey, you die."  Clearly, this is not what you would expect to find in an infallible book written by the creator of the universe.  But it does make YHWH look quite a lot like Enki, from Mesopotamian mythology.

One more note about sources - Wikipedia's article on Zipporah at the Inn [44] includes a note about the Hebrew word for "foot" in this story possibly being a euphemism for "genitals."  The note is uncited.  Neither the Blue Letter Bible nor a Hebrew Language website [45,46] agree.  Remember to check the facts if you've got doubt.

Conclusions
I might stop including this-- I just repeat what I've said above in the commentary. And sometimes say something like "This is not a loving God's book."

Next Reading - Exodus 5-6 (Pharaoh, Bricks, and of course Genealogy)  [I want to try, if I can, to keep the plagues together]


Sources
[1] Answering the Atheist 4(34): How many were in Jacob's family?
[2] The Brick Testament: Too many Hebrews
[3] Wikipedia: The Exodus
[4] Wikipedia: William G. Dever
[5] Wikipedia: Moses
[6] Blogging the Bible: Exodus 1-4
[7] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: And afterward may they come out with great sustenance ([paraphrased] "Just because you can't find evidence of millions of Hebrews living in and leaving Egypt, robbing it of about 1/3rd of its country's population, doesn't meant it didn't happen!  Also, maybe the Egyptians were embarrassed by the Hebrews killing off every firstborn in Egypt, and that's why they didn't record it!"  Yes-- it's true that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.  It can't be ruled out [but see 'Russel's Teapot'].  But the flip side of that coin is that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence [or 'what can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence'].  To believe such a huge claim without huge amounts of evidence is silly.)
[8] How Long Were the Israelites in Egypt?, Garry D Pifer
[9] Answers in Genesis: Israelites in Egypt
[10] How long were the Israelites in Egypt?, Bryan Huie
[11] Apologetics Press: How long was the Israelites' Egyptian Bondage?
[12] The Finding of Moses (NSFW?)
[13] Answering the Atheist 7(1): Did Moses Fear Pharaoh?
[14] Tektonics, Who was Moses' Father in Law?
[15] Answering the Atheist 3(18): Does God Respect People
[16] The Brick Testament: Moses Commits Murder
[17] The Brick Testament: Moses Marries a Midianite
[18] The Brick Testament: God Takes Notice
[19] Dr. J. Vernon McGee Commentary on Exodus 2:5-10 (Holy shit... I'm much dumber for listening to this person... 'that is just no place for a Pharaoh's daughter to bathe!')
[20] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: At that time Moses was born, and he was no ordinary child
[21] Wikipedia: Sargon of Akkad
[22] Answering the Atheist 1(34): Can God be seen?
[23] Answering the Atheist 5(3): Is it wrong to steal? (It's not stealing if you kill the owner as God commanded you first!)
[24] Dwindling in Unbelief: The Lord Smote all the Firstborn in the Land of Egypt
[25] Wikipedia: Zipporah
[26] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: Jesus Saith Unto Them, I AM
[27] Answering the Atheist 7(48): Who appeared to Moses in the Burning Bush?
[28] SAB: Is Magic okay?
[29] SAB: Was Moses a good speaker?
[30] Answering the Atheist 6(7):  Who makes the blind?  (Naw, see, God's not responsible for blindness and deafness, he's just the creator of all things.  That's all.  Also, you have to do whatever he tells you no matter what your impediments.)
[31] SAB: What the Bible Says About Blind People
[32] The Brick Testament: Why to Keep the Law
[33] The Brick Testament: Bar-Jesus
[34] The Theist: The Blind
[35] SAB: What the Bible Says About Handicapped People
[36] Answering the Atheist 7(25):  Who hardened Pharaoh's Heart (God totally hardened pharaoh's heart!  Except not.  It was actually Pharaoh that hardened his heart.  It's just that the act of commanding Pharaoh to do stuff made Pharaoh harden his heart, so it was like God did it.  Just like if I tell my child to clean his room and he murders someone, it was like I was the one who put murderous intentions there...  THERE IS NO CONTRADICTION.)
[37] The Brick Testament: God Attacks Moses
[38] The Brick Testament: Moses and Aaron Convince the People
[39] Dwindling in Unbelief: The passover plot
[40] Dwindling in Unbelief: Richard Dawkins on the God of the Old Testament
[41] Dwindling in Unbelief: Top 50 Bible Stories for Kids
[42] Dwindling in Unbelief: God tried to kill him...
[43] Dwindling in Unbelief: The good people in the Bible
[44] Wikipedia: Zipporah at the inn
[45] Blue Letter Bible: Regel
[46] Bashelon: regel
[47] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness (you know, I honestly used to have some respect for this blogger-- but he comes off as so deluded here.  There's a difference between miracles and magic!  "miracles" are good and of god, but "magic" is evil and of the devil.  And you can't tell the difference?  And the hair-splitting between saying that these people just happen to be in that state of being-- which can't be God's fault?  It's just so incredibly accommodating.  He can (and does) brush any responsibility from God with metaphysical propositions that don't have support-- they just must be true for him to keep his view of the Bible.)
[48] Annotated Skeptic's Annotated Bible: What profit is there of Circumcision? (What, part of the Bible doesn't make any sense whatsoever?  Must be a cultural artifact!  Also, the Bible is relevant today.)
[49] Why did God want to kill Moses? (source of today's quote)

Joseph: King of Dreams

I know a lot of people are familiar with the Dreamworks movie, Prince of Egypt.  I only recently found out about another movie that Dreamworks made called Joseph: King of Dreams.  It's a cute movie.  It's relatively loyal to the storyline, too.  You might want to check it out.  As I write this, the entire movie is uploaded on Youtube, but I'm not sure how long that will last.

AARtB Sidebar: What would convince me?

No one has (yet) posed this question to me, but I've seen a lot of others asked this (mostly while watching debates).  I have to agree, it's a difficult question.  The first initial response is to say "Well, if god personally came down to talk to me and tell me 'I am GOD' and perhaps perform a miracle, I'd believe it." (or Jesus or Krishna or...  etc.).  But I have to admit, if I was at all in control of my decisions, I don't think this would make me believe in a specific god-- it would make me think that I was hallucinating!  I would probably check myself in to a hospital before making any decisions.  One person (I can't recall who) once said "If I woke up one day and just believed, that would convince me-- because it would say that all the prayers that theists say for my soul would have worked, proving the power of that deity."  To me, that's a bit of a tautology, and it wouldn't really show anything ("I would believe if I believed; that would convince me!").  And, if God isn't real, this would by definition be a delusion.

So, what would do it?  I think the first part of answering that question is to say what hasn't convinced me.  The more common reasons given to believe in God are the existence of beauty, love, truth, etc.  Of course, these don't require any kind of creator deity-- we happen to live in a universe where truth can exist, whatever the source of that universe; love is entirely expected in evolutionary theory, as is beauty.  It's a huge leap in logic to say that if we see these, then a God (or, more often, my God) must exist.  And the idea of these things as natural phenomena don't devalue them.  How wonderful it is that we can enjoy such a thing as marvelous as love!  We should treasure Love!  We should savor beauty!  We should seek out truth!  (I'll ignore here the existence of ugliness, evil, and lies, the flip-side of the coin that God is inevitably said to not be responsible for.)  Theists also tend to point toward their holy books as evidence (sometimes saying that they have truth, sometimes that they have wisdom, sometimes that they are beautiful...  and sometimes that they just "have faith" in the book).  All I can really say is that I'm certainly not convinced so far-- no holy book has managed to live up to rudimentary biological knowledge.  And, of course, there are the many philosophical arguments for God existing (and the leap is always made from a God to my God rather suddenly).  Of course, many of these are horribly flawed (often begging the question), and they consistently ignore the same philosophical arguments against God (or against a specific God).  There are no doubt other evidences that have been put forward and I haven't considered-- and I'm searching for them.  But nothing I've seen so far has convinced me.

So, I obviously have a pretty high standard of evidence for this claim-- that a given God like YHWH, Shiva, Thor, or Quetzalcoatl exists.  And I think I'm right to have a high standard of evidence!  Some would have me believe that there's this being who lives everywhere (and nowhere), is undetectable (but knowable), who is all-powerful (but chooses not to intervene), who knows my thoughts (and will torture me if I think the wrong things), and who cares about what I do (especially while naked) of all the things in the vast cosmos to care about.  Yes, I think I'm justified in having a high standard of evidence for this claim!  This is not only highly counter-intuitive, but it's more than a bit ridiculous!

But, then, science convinces us of a number of ridiculous things.  For instance, the fact that everything you interact with (including yourself) is made up mostly of empty space.  The fact that a majority of the universe is made up of dark energy.  The fact that species change into different species over huge periods of time due to pressures of environment.  The fact that a large number of our cherished memories (even the ones that we're very sure of) are flawed to a greater or lesser degree.  These are all astounding claims!  But I believe them.  What makes these believable, but the idea of a given God not?  Well, let's start with the fact that the claim of God is bigger than any of these claims are, and then move on to the fact that these are each independently verifiable by anyone with the time, means, and motive to do so.  One can study physics, understand the methods, and verify the structure of the atom (or, the structure as we understand it so far).  The same goes for the abundance of dark matter.  The same goes for a biology/geology/paleontology and evolution.  The same goes for neuroscience and memory.  But how can we independently verify God?

I would be convinced of the existence of a specific deity under a specific set of conditions.  First, the deity would have to-- in some way-- physically appear to me.  Virtually every religion has stories of such appearances, and individuals walk away unscathed after seeing the deity (this goes for Christianity, too).  Once the deity has appeared to me, we would have to run an experiment.  Under reasonable experimental conditions (E.G. making sure, to the best of our ability, that there is no information being transmitted to him from some outside source, etc.), we would probe his knowledge.  What questions might I ask the deity?  I'm sure that smarter people could come up with better questions, but here's a list I might start with:

1. [A list of relatively easy questions to rule out obvious imposters-- from "Please sing the ABC's" to "what does 'DNA' stand for in the field of Molecular Biology?" to "What is the cube root of 6859?"]
2. Please provide a solution of the Riemann Hypothesis (or an explanation of why it is incorrect) [On a related note, Today I Learned that a proof has been constructed for Fermat's Last Theorem].
3. Please explain consciousness.  Specifically, explain how we might synthesize consciousness (and, if we are able, we would verify this by creating a consciousness).
4. Please describe an experiment that would verify the existence of a White Hole, if they exist, or explain why white holes do not exist in a way that we can verify.
5.  Please provide us with a novel technique for effectively combating retroviruses, such as HIV and the common cold (we would then check to see if we can find any evidence of this technique being proposed previously and then ensure that it does, indeed, work).

These are surely well within the powers of a limitless God.  If the deity's knowledge is beyond human knowledge-- and can be verified-- on every single question asked, with no flaws, then I would believe the deity's claims about the metaphysical.  I would believe that he doesn't want guys touching their penises.  I would believe that if I don't believe in him I'll burn forever in a lake of vindictive fire.

Of course, even with this high standard of evidence, I might still be wrongly convinced of the existence of a deity.  It's entirely conceivable that some advanced alien species (for whatever reason-- malevolence or what-have-you) might have used their greater knowledge and technology to perform this trick.  Perhaps they had some way to transmit information that we couldn't detect.  The point is, even this level of evidence won't be perfect.  But the same is true of science.  There is hardly a scientific theory that is immune from changing-- it would just take a very large amount of evidence to "turn the Titanic" for some of them.  It might conceivably be shown one day that DNA has absolutely no effect on inheritance, and it was something else entirely that's responsible.  But it's ridiculous to make that assumption without a lot of evidence (and a good explanation for why the hundreds of thousands of experiments have shown that DNA does have a lot of effect on inheritance).  If a God answered those questions and provided ample evidence that he was, indeed, a God, there would be no reason not to believe him...  unless more evidence wound up contradicting it, and a good explanation was given for how the questions were answered.

My final paragraph here is to say that this post is, of course, integrally related to the idea of "Faith."  I'll comment more on this concept later.  It's a word with a lot of baggage.